The first empty 9th.

After more than 5 years of "Happy XX months!"

Yes. They were happy. They were also not-so-happy at times. Doesn't matter. Life has its ups and downs.

You've told me to stop apologizing. I don't know what else I can do or say. I don't know if or how i'm ever going to get over the guilt.

Reminiscing hurts. Usually I cry to deal with the pain. I don't know why i'm not doing so now.

Maybe it's because there's no longer anyone to hug me tight while I cry.