I give up.

If you don't want to hear me out, I'll never talk to you again. I hope you're happy.

But why, Universe?

Why must I go through all that first? Why can't you just tell me now?

-

The damned weather makes me emo.

What we learn in school + V-Day

Today, our Prof told us a case about an employee of the TAS [what Singtel was formerly known as] who changed the name on the cheque after getting it signed by authorized personnel - her name was Tasy Tan. So basically she added the back part and had the cheques paid out to her instead.

Prof: So the moral of the story? Name your children correctly. Like DBS or something.

We're trained fraudsters. Don't pray pray.

Prof Tan is awesome :D

-

My brother has been complaining that it's his 17th Valentine's Day alone. Guess what? It's my 17th Valentine's Day alone too.

-

Beach. Sunset. Clear water. Sound of waves. Soft breeze. Lover.

Back to being a dream.

-

The past month felt so long.

I'm sorry.

For the past five years i've tried to make everything right for you on your birthday.

I can't anymore.

-

过去的一个月 有多难受 我也哭不出来。就因为这几年一直有你守护着 所以也只有你 才能看到我最脆弱的一面。

I'll always miss how you hold me tight, kiss my tears away, and tell me everything's going to be alright.

Especially now when it's not.

The clear night sky. The stars shining bright.

Mom sent me this.

"During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love. With your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy, And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love work.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling."

-

I don't miss you. I miss the feeling of security you gave me. I miss knowing that there's always someone there, no matter what happens to me. I didn't expect you to do everything for me, but it was nice knowing there was someone willing to... and who proved it.

I don't think i'll ever find anyone else whose life revolved around me as much as you.

But I guess we didn't work hard enough. Or at least, we didn't work right.

The first empty 9th.

After more than 5 years of "Happy XX months!"

Yes. They were happy. They were also not-so-happy at times. Doesn't matter. Life has its ups and downs.

You've told me to stop apologizing. I don't know what else I can do or say. I don't know if or how i'm ever going to get over the guilt.

Reminiscing hurts. Usually I cry to deal with the pain. I don't know why i'm not doing so now.

Maybe it's because there's no longer anyone to hug me tight while I cry.

There's never a right time to say goodbye.

Especially when I don't want to.

I still love you.

You think you don't need to apologize because you're not in the wrong.

The reason why i don't expect you to apologize is because you will never do it. You're too much of a coward to do so. The minute your ego gets compromised, you flare up. I'm tired. I don't want to argue anymore. I'll apologize where i was wrong. You never will.

Each time after i apologize, it seems to be over. It's not over. Whatever else that's left that you pretend was not there, i've kept it in me. One day it'll explode.



I'm tired.