Reminiscence.

For the past few days, J and I have been trying to find our old identities. This was triggered by the discovery of my old fanfic from back in 2003. I've been trying to find other things such as my old blogs, but no success. I can't remember what aliases I used back then.

Logged into my old Friendster account though. Read some of the testimonials I had. This was back in 2004. Back when I was "Slashy".

(=)

SHAOWEI!!!

6:30 onwards. Mfucking cool hahaha.

Ah, good memories.

Was throwing out a piece of rope when I remembered this once in secondary school, some guys were playing with some rope and wanted to test something. I don't know if they were too cowardly to do it on their own or what. They asked to borrow my wrist, wrapped the rope around it,

and pulled the rope off.

If you look carefully you can still see the ropeburn scar there :)

Thanks Jun Hui ;)

And they went, "Poof!"

Reading past blog entries, trying to recall what on earth I used to do in my free time.

And where they've all gone.

-

Much of my time in NTU was taken up by Soul Funky. Like i've said many times before, if it wasn't for Soul Funky, I wouldn't be in school. In the first semester when there's no JDC, I would be training for performances, or doing some teaching [that was when we didn't have an instructor]. Or doing admin. Yeah :) Chatting with Fabby a lot. And of course when JDC came about in the second semester, it basically took up whatever remaining time we had.

Other than that, I used to run. Especially when I was working. Went running at East Coast with Mom and Aunty Jo thrice a week. When I had school, it was less, because I couldn't make it in the evenings. Oh, I did 21km for my 21st birthday :) Proud of it.

I told stories at the library every other Saturday to young kids [pedobear hahaha]. Stopped last year in August after I dyed my hair pink, because I didn't want to be a bad influence to the children. And also because it prevented me from hanging out late on Friday, and made it difficult to plan my Saturdays. I also did other ad-hoc volunteering activities. Hmmm. Should probably start doing it again.

This. Lol. Yeah I spent quite a bit of time playing games. Whether it was out of Quil-influence or brother-influence. And the rest of the time was hanging out on forums talking rubbish and laughing at flame wars. And chatting on MSN. For some strange unknown reason, the internet suddenly lost its appeal.

Oh yeah I used to spend a lot of time on Youtube. Call me childish, but I used to catch Disney's Suite Life of Zac and Cody/Suite Life on Deck as well as Wizards of Waverly Place. And of course a ton of Whose Line, which I never got sick of watching. Sometimes a bit of Taiwanese dramas here and there.

I wrote! Yeah I almost forgot about that :) I used to write when I emo-ed, which resulted in a lot of shitty emo stories lol. So many ideas that I never got down to writing, and now i've forgotten them. Oh well :)

Walking down the beach at Changi :) Good thing I still get to do that once in a while with my bros.

I still dive, but it takes up a lot of money and time. On the rare occasions that I get to do it, it's awesome :D

Yeah I think that was mostly it. I lost most of them when my life and priorities got messed up a while back. Gotta go remember what being passionate about something feels like :)

Past.

Re-reading the diary in which I wrote about J and me.

That funny tingly feeling that I haven't felt in a long while came back.

I miss you baby.

Dug up an old Friendster bulletin from 5 years ago.

1. My ex is...
2006: Wang Shao Wei. LOL.
2011: Apparently, now attached. Good for him! :)

2. I am listening to..
2006: Nothing.
2011: Nothing.

3. Maybe I should...
2006: Start studying. But i'll leave that for later.
2011: Start writing my essay. But i'll leave that for later.

4. I love...
2006: Chan Kwang Siong.
2011: Eggtarts. Do you love eggtarts? :)

5. My bestfriend(s)...
2006: Are insane. Are Quil, Pope and Brain. Are the girls.
2011: Are the same damn best friends I had 5 years ago. Hell, 10 years ago. Oh, with the inclusion of Jbooboo :)

6. I don't understand...
2006: How i can announce to everyone that i'm going to do something, then end up not doing it. But thankfully it doesn't really affect them.
2011: Half the things that are taught in class. But i'll leave that for later.

7. I lost...
2006: My ...
2011: ... mind?

8. People say...
2006: Moo.
2011: Moo.

10. Love is...
2006: A great pile of crap. Hey, at least i said it's great.
2011: One of the words inked on my back.

11. Somewhere, someone is...
2006: picking their nose.
2011: and flicking that booger at someone else.

12. I will always...
2006: Regret my actions.
2011: Remember.

13. Forever seems...
2006: Impossible.
2011: Like a long time away :/

14. I never want to...
2006: Lose the people i love.
2011: Lose the people i love.

15. My mobile phone...
2006: Is my precious and i can't live without it.
2011: Is an iPhone and I can't understand why I said the above in 2006.

16. When I wake up in the morning...
2006: I start to count how many hours its been since i slept. I'm not kidding. Then from there i decide if i should continue sleeping.
2011: I get out of bed, cover J with the blanket and go wash up.

17. I get annoyed when..
2006: People dash my hopes.
2011: People dash my hopes.

18. Parties are...
2006: Boring. I dislike them.
2011: Groups of people with whom you can do quests with.

19. My pets are...
2006: [Insert a picture of Kinty here]
2011: Kinty.

20. Kisses are the best when...
2006: They're on your forehead, or the back of your hand.
2011: They're the prelude to...

21. Today I...
2006: Woke up.
2011: Wasted time.

22. Tomorrow I will...
2006: Go to school in the morning and screw up my Biz Finance paper.
2011: Have fun.

23. I really want...
2006: to get straight As for my exam.
2011: some chocolate right now :D

Quotes from the past.

I was looking through a bit of my old stuff when I found this little notebook full of Chinese words in my own handwriting. Turns out I was writing down quotes from shows that I was watching years ago. I don't remember what shows they were though.

Here are some of the better ones.

- 我怕自己一旦依赖一个人，最后那个人还是离开。我不要伤心，我不要绝望。
- 我真的改变了吗？跟以前不同吗？改变了，便不是我了吗？是坏事吗？我... 后悔吗？
- 追求快乐是应该的，根本不需要找理由。
- 我不恐惧爱情，我恐惧的是爱太深了，以后带来的心碎。
- “我真的不知道世界上还有什么诺言是真的。” “但是你不能因为这个世界上那些伤害你的人而对其他人失去信心。” “那是因为你没有受过伤。”

This day, one year ago.

Revisiting all the memories between now and a year ago.

After looking through all the shit that happened, i'm amazed that I even managed to stay alive through it all. I learned so much. And I changed so much.
I learnt how to block out my emotions.
Well. Like they say. Whatever doesn't kill you just makes you stronger.
I'm really good at not caring anymore.
Good job, me.

Soul Funky Memories: I Wanted You

For some reason, the song ‘I Wanted You’ started playing in my head this morning. I’d say stuck in my head, but that’s not exactly the right phrase to use when I’m actually playing it on repeat now.

I know that ever since I stepped into NTU, I’ve been saying that I hate the place, that I have no friends, and that I just want to get my degree and get out of there.

Yet, now, all I can think of is how much I’ll miss everything when it’s all over.

Not surprisingly, all the good memories I have of school involve Soul Funky. Heck, practically all the memories I have of school involve Soul Funky [J is included under Soul Funky]. Which is why I’ve always said that if it wasn’t for Soul Funky, I wouldn’t be in NTU. And I guess that’s who/what I’ll miss.

Here I am, sitting in the office doing work, but in my mind, I’m sitting at the table in Hall 16 studio that isn’t supposed to be there. It’s a mess with all our drinks, bags and laptops. It’s after Soul Funky training and TK has taken over with his hall dancers. We’re watching amusedly as Fabian does his stretching… for his Strawberry. We laugh at Bangbang doing the couple part and YB trying to learn the girl’s choreo. And after we’re finally done, we head to Macs for dinner. Then back home/hall.
Andofcoursethememorieswithyou.
The simple things that kept me alive.

Lol nostalgia.

The brother just showed me this randomly.

Aww Shaoweiiiii darling my ke ai de SSZQDSZLR *heartsheartsmuacksmuacks*.

Kidding. I wasn't like that even during the idol-chasing days.

Memories.

This morning on the way home, I heard a song on the radio. I don't know what song it is, but I recognised it from the video that was made by the A&F IG main comm for our Celebration of Learning. And then I heard it again in Aunty Jo's car when we were returning home from dinner.

Unfortunately the video has been taken down, or I would've posted it here.

Poly life was awesomely fun. So carefree. It was really my turning point [though I ended up turning back during Uni, but that's besides the point]. Made so many friends and by the end of 3 years, almost everyone knew everyone else. Had time to have fun and still get work done properly. Heck, even working on projects together was fun.

A bit sad that after Uni year 1, I changed back to the quiet person I was in secondary school. It's a good thing I have Soul Funky to keep me insane though [yes, insane; not a typo]. And of course, in year 2 sem 2, school turned from a hellhole to a place of security.

Those Soul Funky trainings almost every night. Training hard together even though we were all exhausted. I miss it.

But I miss hall the most. The place where everything was perfect and even if it wasn't, it would end up being okay eventually. The simple happiness. I don't know why, but I miss it so, so much.

"Buildings crumble. People die. Friends move away. But your memory of them will always stand. And they will be as real there, inside you, as they were when they were standing next to you.

Your memories are real. They are the dreams of the past. And they will live with you always."

Trust.

Is when I can fall asleep for an hour in Coffee Bean at the airport, with my laptop on my lap and all my belongings on the table, and not have to worry about anything.

And can even dream about going overseas together with my friends.

I miss Taiwan.

Middle of the night and i'm emo-ing at the airport. Sounds familiar. At least this time i'm not alone.

-

Everything has a lifespan. And when it meets mine, it simply boils down to this: who lives longer?

Random ramblings. Not awake. Not thinking straight.

Thankquil.

Best friends always.

What we learn in school + V-Day

Today, our Prof told us a case about an employee of the TAS [what Singtel was formerly known as] who changed the name on the cheque after getting it signed by authorized personnel - her name was Tasy Tan. So basically she added the back part and had the cheques paid out to her instead.

Prof: So the moral of the story? Name your children correctly. Like DBS or something.

We're trained fraudsters. Don't pray pray.

Prof Tan is awesome :D

-

My brother has been complaining that it's his 17th Valentine's Day alone. Guess what? It's my 17th Valentine's Day alone too.

-

Beach. Sunset. Clear water. Sound of waves. Soft breeze. Lover.

Back to being a dream.

The clear night sky. The stars shining bright.

Mom sent me this.

"During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love. With your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy, And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love work.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling."

-

I don't miss you. I miss the feeling of security you gave me. I miss knowing that there's always someone there, no matter what happens to me. I didn't expect you to do everything for me, but it was nice knowing there was someone willing to... and who proved it.

I don't think i'll ever find anyone else whose life revolved around me as much as you.

But I guess we didn't work hard enough. Or at least, we didn't work right.

If We Hold On Together

I just randomly remembered this song.

Now I wanna watch the Land Before Time again =/

-

Grandma told Mom to change the water for this every day. Mom asked, "Do I have to feed them too?" -___________-

Past.

Randomly decided to go flip through some of my old fanfics. To my surprise, my winglin one is still there after 6 years. Only the completed one, though; the incomplete one has been deleted. Dang, I liked that one.

I also have a few other stories that are... less immature. Discovered them through my long-lost freewebs account. It's now just called 'webs'. I have a short 4-chapter story there that I managed to somewhat complete, and I kinda want to post it. Let me know if you wanna read it [lol if you do]. It's actually kind of a rant that relates to my life - the characters are Mingdao, Cyndi and Shaowei. Yeah.

I even have a one-shot fic of Naruto characters + 1 OC. LOL.

Hmmm. I feel like writing another.

Momo Love

Ever since I caught 桃花小妹 on Channel U the other day [my mom was watching and I caught a glimpse] i've been catching it on Youtube. Unlike those days where i'll rush to buy the DVDs before they even come out on TV. I find the show quite silly on the whole but retardedly funny.

Ding Chun Cheng is cute ;) The nerdy kind of cute. I actually like him only with the glasses on. He's 1.9m. Wow.

...Yeah. But anyway I like the show partly because i've always wanted older brothers [I actually don't give a damn about the love story part lol]. That's pretty much what captivated me. I've even imagined what it was like to have a bunch of older brothers around. Whoever guesses who these imaginary 4 people are get a virtual high-five.

Only one person knows for sure. Lol. But aiyah that was super super long ago.

Kay. Off to catch more of the show.

-

Lol the brothers' antics are damn funny.

-

5:54 - OMG PUPPY EYES!!! Followed by Yuyi's damn funny reaction lulz.

Okay i'm at episode 7 and i'm sick of the storyline already. I'm still gonna continue watching, but only to look at the hot guys.

A Walk Into Memory Studio

So I got my new laptop yesterday, right? I can finally watch videos and listen to music without any lag. Dug up some of those old dance videos [the ones that we took after class] to watch.

I can't help smiling/laughing while watching them. Even now. I notice that in most videos, after we finish doing the choreo, we'll start laughing. Heh. It's nice. I'm really glad that it was such an enjoyable experience then :)

From what I see in Yunning's blog, I think i'm not the only one who prefers to remember the studio as it was last time.

The Train After Dinner.

I remember the weekends I used to send you all the way to Boon Lay when you booked in. We would have dinner before you boarded the cab and went to camp. I would watch as your cab turned the corner, then walk back to the train station alone, trying not to cry. Every single week.

The train rides after dinner were particularly cold. People were strange and scary. I hated it.

Now I know, I just hated that you weren't there with me.

http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com/2009/10/train-after-dinner.html