Why i'm doing what i'm doing.

So i've been surfing job websites almost everyday, carefully sifting out those that look interesting to me [therefore, not accounting] and sending my resume out. A lot of them call back and ask me, "So you just graduated with a degree? Why aren't you looking for a permanent job?"

And also, "Why a job of this nature, that has nothing to do with accountancy?"

My answers, which I keep short for the sake of the phone calls/interviews, are usually along the lines of, "I want to try out something different for a while." I've elaborated this to one interviewer before. I don't want to spend my entire life stuck to a deskbound job in an office and watch my ass grow bigger each day. It used to be important to me that I collected a ton of experience in a field in which I was good at, that I needed to have a stable and secure future, but is that what I really want at the end of the day?

I look at my resume and cringe at the ton of audit/accounting-related jobs on them. That's essentially all of them in the past 6 or so years of my life. If i'm just going to add on to them now, what else would I be able to do in the future if I want to be something else?

Of course, people have also been telling me to go and work, like in a bank or something that pays well, save up, then go on and have fun next time. What, when i'm 35 and lugging two kids around? Or when i'm 50 and limping?

It's not society's concept of a proper route in life, and probably for a good reason, in a society that focuses so much on earning money and starting a family and having a stable life. It's stressful trying to do something different, looking around and seeing people going on grad trips knowing that they've already secured a job so they'll be earning back what they spent in Europe/Australia/USA/Taiwan/etc. I'm stuck in Singapore searching for jobs that I would enjoy. As time goes on and desperation kicks in, my lack of income may possibly result in me being an accounts assistant in a small firm anyway.

Is it worth it? I really hope it is.

The future.

That same wave of dread that washed over me a few months ago just did again, after I realised how close I am to graduating. Throughout the entire semester, people have been asking me where i'm going after graduation. All of them are going to the Big 4. Me?

Yesterday I went back to TP with Yvonne to study. Dropping by to chat with the lecturers was just part of our routine. Naturally, they all had the same question for me - "Where are you going after graduation?"

And while telling my peers in school "I don't know" or "I haven't decided" is perfectly fine, I could see the disappointment in my old lecturers when I told them what I had been using as a defense each time people asked me what I wanted to do. No, apparently being young and wanting to try new things to find out what I like isn't really their favourite thing to hear.

I realise that there are actually so many things I want to do. Right now, i'm just feeling really pathetic, not knowing what i'm going to do the moment I walk out of my final exam venue one month later. Last semester, there was something I dreaded when I ended my exams. It seems like the same for this sem too.

I have that business that i've already [barely] started. The hard part still lies ahead of me. It makes me sad thinking about my peers all going for their well-deserved grad trips, while I have to save money for the business which i'm not even sure will breakeven, much less generate returns. Honestly, I don't have high hopes. But i'm going to try anyway. If I don't start now, I never will.

Another option I have is taking that interior design course at NAFA, which I heard about [and decided was a blessing] from a random acquaintance whom I haven't talked to in years. I just went to check it out. The application period is in May, for the intake in August. It's not a diploma like I thought it would be; only a certificate. And it's $1,300. I'm already in debt from my poly and uni tuition loans. It's giving me second thoughts as to whether I should even bother. Maybe I could just go work as an accountant in a small interior design firm?

If i'm really going to stay true to my heart, but only if I were able to disregard all else in my life, I would want to take my diving instructor licence [which is another few thousand dollars] then head overseas to work in some resort. But I can't. For so many reasons.

Or. I could dye my hair back to black, pretty much throw away whatever part of my life that isn't work, and go for an interview at one of the Big 4. Which I would have done if it were still a year and a half ago.

But i'm not going to give up just yet.

Things are fine.

You told me to go to sleep. That things would be okay when I woke up.

But all waking up did, was to bring the future closer.

Thoughts.

It just feels like i'm screwing everything up.

Been skipping lessons to study by myself, but it's not like i'm actually a lot more productive than if I had been in school. I'm procrastinating all the time, and i'm not proud of it. I'm just not motivated to do anything at all.

It's not that i'm not concerned over my future and what my grades in school directly affect. Ironically, that's probably the reason why i'm no longer motivated in my schoolwork.

I hate what i'm studying. I really don't want to be doing this all my life. Yes, i've spent the past 6 years of my life getting myself professionally trained in this field, and at the end of it, I realise that this isn't what I want to do after all. At the end of it, I realise that all I did was spend 6 years of my life on a backup plan.

But what is it that I want to do?

Honestly, i'm scared about my future. Compared to my peers, i'm pretty much a worthless piece of crap with no direction in life. I hate it whenever people ask me where i'm going. Almost everyone has a job waiting for them the moment they graduate.

Some of my friends tell me not to worry, and that i'll definitely find a job since I have a diploma and a degree. Yeah, but that's not what i'm worried about. I'm pretty much guaranteed a 8 to 6 office job where i'll spend the rest of my life crunching numbers in a corner of the office. I'll definitely earn enough to get by.

But I know I won't be happy.

The future is...

So yesterday I was having breakfast with my AA306 group members and they were mentioning how they were keeping their recess week free so that they could go for job interviews. Besides that, ever since school started, classmates have been asking me whether i've gone for so-and-so career talks and it seems like i'm the only one in the world who hasn't gone for any.

I don't know whether to say i'm worried about my future or not. While it appears like I don't care [if I did, I would've at least read the emails regarding the career talks], i'm pretty much freaking out.

As i've been telling everyone who asked, I don't exactly want to follow the normal track of Accountancy grads and head to the Big 4 the moment I graduate. I don't exactly think it's the best idea devoting the best years of my life to working till 2am every day and having to tolerate the temper of old cranky accountants.

But it's not like there's a lot else I can do. It's not like I want to bum around and live on someone else's income for the rest of my life. I just want to do something that I actually enjoy.

I felt kinda relieved when another group member said he wasn't planning on following the normal path either. Until he told me how he had been investing for years and was already self-sufficient from working from home.

I only have a year left before i'm on my own.

I'm fucked, aren't I?

Thankquil.

Best friends always.

For future reference.

Apologizing doesn't mean that you are wrong and the other person is right.

It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.

I want a...

Yes i'm back to the 'I wanna get married' and 'I want a baby' stage. Unfortunately now it's both at the same time.

Pretty much thanks to F.R.I.E.N.D.S, of course. I just finished the episode where Rachel has her baby girl and now i want a baby. Again. But that's gonna be at least 5 years later :( Or 6, since i'm getting married in 5 ._.

-

I was listening to my House music at work just now, and for some reason i really badly wanted to do iWander again. You know, just spend a day and wander around Singapore alone, with music plugged in my ears, watching people rush through their busy lives while i take a slow stroll and enjoy the peace.

I can't wait to stop work, so i can do all that. I'm already thinking of all the places i want to go, and i'll come up with a route to take. Maybe i'll leave home early in the morning and see the sunrise at East Coast. That'll be nice.

I love my life, i love my friends, i love my family. It's great.

Leave out all the rest.

I took a longer route while jogging the other day, and so i managed to hear more songs on my mp3 player [it's not on random because i have an extreme variety of song genres in there].

Nope i've never watched Twilight. I didn't know this song was on its soundtrack until i was searching for the video for the song.

I always say...

I want to do this and that after my exams, but usually i never complete what's on my list. But still it's worth having something to look forward to at this moment.

- Dinner/hang out with the bros after my last paper on 22nd :)
- Steamboat with poly friends on 24th :)
- Swim/movie/anything with babes anytime :)
- Soul Funky?
- Check out internet business, again.
- Fitness training with Quil, lol.
- Redang in June
- Taiwan in July

Trying to resist the temptation to shop until i go to Taiwan :D

I haven't been working very hard in preparation for exams. It's difficult trying to catch up after i've missed so much, and to some extent i've given up. I'm already at the bottom of the bell curve, so i just hope that i'll pass all of my subjects.

It's not easy falling right to the bottom after spending much of my life being at least average.

But it doesn't matter. I'm surviving, and grades aren't everything. My life's great :)

How KS freaked his mom out.

His mom: -very excitedly- Ehh... 你跟Loretta 的号码开头奖 leh! 3116.
[Ehh... Yours and Loretta's numbers came out as top prize in the lottery leh!]

KS: Oh.

His mom: 那天你还在讲要结婚 hor?
[Weren't you just talking about getting married the other day?]

KS: 没有啊 我讲要生孩子而已.
[No, i only said we were going to have kids.]

Potential interview scenario

Interviewer: Everyone's got a degree nowadays. You're all the same. What makes you stand out?

Ta: My outstanding perseverance.

Interviewer: Hah. Elaborate.

Ta: For a certain period of my school days, i used to travel 2 hours to school everyday, reach at 8.30am and work till i leave school at 10.30pm, and spend 2 more hours travelling home again. I reach home after midnight and start my homework, sleep at about 2am, then wake up at 6am again for a repeat of the cycle.

Interviewer: You're expected to lead this kind of lifestyle when you're doing audit work you know.

Ta: Yes, but at least audit work doesn't last for 3 months straight.


I'm hoping this schedule tones down a bit after the two performances this week, but i highly doubt it. Please give me the strength to overcome all this.

Focus.

I'm not sure if i should call them resolutions, because everytime i make them i don't ever seem to end up fulfilling them, but here are the things i want to focus on for at least the earlier bit of this year.

1. Schoolwork. I'm not very happy with the results that i got last sem, so i'm gonna be working harder. Will take advantage of the long breaks i have between lessons, and make full use [or partial use] of them.

2. CCA. Actually i'm only referring to Soul Funky; i don't have to do much for the other CCA. There's the February performances coming up really soon, and we haven't really started choreo-ing for them at all. In addition, JDC is in March, but that's still alright because we have a choreographer [PJ?].

3. Running. I said yesterday that i'd go running this morning, but as usual i didn't even wake up on time. I'm just a damn lazy person. Gotta buck up on that. 21-21 on 16/08/09!

I've been reading through my archives on LJ. Lots of interesting stuff, heh.

2008.

It's a little too early to be doing a summary essay for the year, and i don't even remember what happened throughout the whole year to be able to do so, but anyway. This was triggered by Quil, who keeps talking about his summary essay.

In 2005, we agreed to write a 5,000 word essay, but i think neither of us managed to. This year, i'm not even going to attempt the same thing. I'm just trying to read my LJ to recall the things that happened.

2008 felt like such a long year, but when i read my entries, i can clearly remember writing each of them, how i felt at each point in time, and every moment that i wrote down. Perhaps it's because i wrote so few entries this year. Only 50+ maybe? It's kinda sad, because when i started out with LJ, i had almost an entry everyday on average.

A few things that left lasting impressions on me though, are:

- Graduating from Temasek Poly, including spending much of the final semester chionging projects
- Genting trip with my coursemates; my first trip abroad without my family/boyfriend
- My first proper working experience, where i experienced month-end closing
- Wu Zone recital and the rehearsing process, as well as the fun post-production party
- Getting my tattoo
- Starting school in NTU and feeling helpless all over again, yet finding friendship where i'd least expect it :)

Gained some friends and lost some. Particularly in a time where i moved from one stage of my life to another, again. These are the times where the friends you can keep [or F.U.C.K.s - okay i'm just kidding] differentiate themselves from others who just make fleeting appearances in your life. I miss my poly friends and the times we spent, but the future has much more to offer, and i hope to meet them again when i work next time :)

My new friends in NTU are really nice. I have many acquaintances, from Ayden, my class, and Soul Funky, but no one i can truly hang around with all the time. This makes me a lot less secure than i felt in poly, but it's alright, it'll get better when i'm back to school :)

And those friends who stayed with me as i moved from one stage of my life to another, whom i can always count on to be there no matter what. Love you guys so much <3

I learnt a lot in 2008, and changed quite a bit. I don't know how to put it, but while everything seems so fresh in my memory, the whole year seems to have dragged on for ages and ages. Welp. It's coming to an end now anyway, so let's all look forward to a better year ahead!

BINGO.

Remember this entry where i said i was going to attempt a half-marathon for my 21st birthday? The SBR/AHM is traditionally held in August, so i'd expected the run to be any Sunday within the month. Didn't matter much, really.

But welp. Turns out the run is on 16 August 2009. Gives me even more reason to run, huh? :)

Must really train liao.

21.

So i was thinking of doing a half-marathon for my birthday next year.

My reason to run: 21km for my 21st birthday.

Too bad they're not gonna provide the Adidas reason to run thing again [i think]. I'm thinking that since SBR/AHM is usually in August, then... yeah. Just nice ah.

And then maybe i'll try Stanchart at the end of the year. Or maybe the following year. Or maybe not at all. See how i keep up first lor.

Time to get up offa that computer chair and get those running shoes back out.

More expenses

Facial - $150
Today.

KS's birthday present - $_ _
End of January.

All my friends' 21 birthdays - $ZOMGWTFBBQ
Next year. GG man.

I still want to go shopping T_T

Expenses

Sony Ericsson C905 - $600
Cash outflow expected within this month/January

Hong Kong trip - $900
Cash outflow expected middle of next year

Bintan trip - $300 [not confirmed]
Cash outflow expected some time next year


Hi, i'm a first-year Accountancy undergraduate from Nanyang Business School. Anyone wants to hire me?


Yes, i'm doing the HK thing because i'm envious of Sam & Dine's pictures. I didn't join them for Taiwan because i had made plans before that, and my plans eventually turned out to be a flop, so GRARRGH.

Just some considerations.

- Disneyland or shopping? I'm so tempted to try staying in the Disneyland hotel, but i'm sure it's going to be a lot more expensive and it'll be quite inaccessible to the city area, as compared to a hotel which is near Tsim Sha Shui/Mong Kok.

- Sightseeing or playing? I'm not really interested in going to see all the attractions, but i'm sure KS would want to. Shopping and Disneyland are a must, so we'll have to balance between those.

- Guided tour or F&E? I'd much prefer the flexibility of a F&E tour, but that might mean that there's a possibility of missing out nice stuff if i don't do the adequate research.

- SIA/Cathay or budget airlines? Safety/comfort or money?

- When to go, and for how many days? Need to find a common time where we're both on holiday, most likely to be around July. I'm thinking 4D3N, because 3D2N seems a little short [the middle day will definitely be spent in Disneyland, the rest will probably be shopping or something, which means not much time for sightseeing]. This will also depend on all the above factors.

I can't wait to go on holiday :)

Going places.

Here are some of the places i'm intending to visit, probably during my holiday if it doesn't rain too much. If it does... then i'll just save them for next time :)

- Botanical Gardens
- HortPark
- Orchard Road to see Christmas lights!
- Chek Jawa [yes, again]
- Changi Beach [yes, againagain, but this time i'll cycle there]
- iWander route
- Kent Ridge Park?
- Mt Sophia?
- Sentosa?

Yes, iWander is something i named, walking from Bugis -> Suntec -> Singapore Flyer -> Benjamin Sheares Bridge -> Esplanade -> Raffles. I was just feeling really sick of everything sometime earlier this year, so i didn't go to work, and took a walk alone in town with my music. It was something i wanted to do for months, and it actually did help me feel better. The last time, i eventually ended at Keck Seng, because that was where i was headed anyway. This time, i'll probably head there again :)

I need a camera. -Eyes SITEX on calendar-

Just some stuff.

Atlantic Starr - Always


Yes, i'm prolly still going on about the wedding thing.

Ryan & Sean's Not So Excellent Adventure
If you've ever watched nigahiga's videos on Youtube, you probably would have either 1. loved them to bits, or 2. hated how stupid they were. Whichever it is, they've come up with a movie! :D I don't think it'll be available in Singapore, but i want to get their DVD! Limin buy together? Can save on shipping lol.

I posted a comment on their latest video asking any other Singaporeans if they wanted to preorder the video together, but the comments are moving so damn quickly that no one will see it -.-

MSN Status
This is the second time i'm saying something about it in a few days; it's just a rant so ignore me unless you share the same view [you can rant in my comments].

When i put my status as 'busy' on MSN, i fucking mean it. At the rate people still bug me regarding all sorts of things when my status is as such, i don't understand why we even have statuses on MSN, when the only two that people actually believe are 'online' and 'offline'.

Scratch that. Someone tries to talk to me, EVEN WHEN I'M APPEARING OFFLINE.

"Hey are you there?"

NO I'M NOT, CAN'T YOU READ?

I put 'busy' instead of 'offline' so that people can reach me when there are IMPORTANT issues, not for you to tell me all sorts of crap that i don't need to know and honestly don't give a shit about.

Which includes, "Aww are you okay? Your personal message seems angsty."

THEN GO FUCKING TALK TO MY PERSONAL MESSAGE.