Thoughts.

It just feels like i'm screwing everything up.

Been skipping lessons to study by myself, but it's not like i'm actually a lot more productive than if I had been in school. I'm procrastinating all the time, and i'm not proud of it. I'm just not motivated to do anything at all.

It's not that i'm not concerned over my future and what my grades in school directly affect. Ironically, that's probably the reason why i'm no longer motivated in my schoolwork.

I hate what i'm studying. I really don't want to be doing this all my life. Yes, i've spent the past 6 years of my life getting myself professionally trained in this field, and at the end of it, I realise that this isn't what I want to do after all. At the end of it, I realise that all I did was spend 6 years of my life on a backup plan.

But what is it that I want to do?

Honestly, i'm scared about my future. Compared to my peers, i'm pretty much a worthless piece of crap with no direction in life. I hate it whenever people ask me where i'm going. Almost everyone has a job waiting for them the moment they graduate.

Some of my friends tell me not to worry, and that i'll definitely find a job since I have a diploma and a degree. Yeah, but that's not what i'm worried about. I'm pretty much guaranteed a 8 to 6 office job where i'll spend the rest of my life crunching numbers in a corner of the office. I'll definitely earn enough to get by.

But I know I won't be happy.