Dug up an old Friendster bulletin from 5 years ago.

1. My ex is...
2006: Wang Shao Wei. LOL.
2011: Apparently, now attached. Good for him! :)

2. I am listening to..
2006: Nothing.
2011: Nothing.

3. Maybe I should...
2006: Start studying. But i'll leave that for later.
2011: Start writing my essay. But i'll leave that for later.

4. I love...
2006: Chan Kwang Siong.
2011: Eggtarts. Do you love eggtarts? :)

5. My bestfriend(s)...
2006: Are insane. Are Quil, Pope and Brain. Are the girls.
2011: Are the same damn best friends I had 5 years ago. Hell, 10 years ago. Oh, with the inclusion of Jbooboo :)

6. I don't understand...
2006: How i can announce to everyone that i'm going to do something, then end up not doing it. But thankfully it doesn't really affect them.
2011: Half the things that are taught in class. But i'll leave that for later.

7. I lost...
2006: My ...
2011: ... mind?

8. People say...
2006: Moo.
2011: Moo.

10. Love is...
2006: A great pile of crap. Hey, at least i said it's great.
2011: One of the words inked on my back.

11. Somewhere, someone is...
2006: picking their nose.
2011: and flicking that booger at someone else.

12. I will always...
2006: Regret my actions.
2011: Remember.

13. Forever seems...
2006: Impossible.
2011: Like a long time away :/

14. I never want to...
2006: Lose the people i love.
2011: Lose the people i love.

15. My mobile phone...
2006: Is my precious and i can't live without it.
2011: Is an iPhone and I can't understand why I said the above in 2006.

16. When I wake up in the morning...
2006: I start to count how many hours its been since i slept. I'm not kidding. Then from there i decide if i should continue sleeping.
2011: I get out of bed, cover J with the blanket and go wash up.

17. I get annoyed when..
2006: People dash my hopes.
2011: People dash my hopes.

18. Parties are...
2006: Boring. I dislike them.
2011: Groups of people with whom you can do quests with.

19. My pets are...
2006: [Insert a picture of Kinty here]
2011: Kinty.

20. Kisses are the best when...
2006: They're on your forehead, or the back of your hand.
2011: They're the prelude to...

21. Today I...
2006: Woke up.
2011: Wasted time.

22. Tomorrow I will...
2006: Go to school in the morning and screw up my Biz Finance paper.
2011: Have fun.

23. I really want...
2006: to get straight As for my exam.
2011: some chocolate right now :D

Slash.

I remember you.

You were one seriously weird teenager. You had a helluva time running around chasing celebrities, whom your life revolved around. You screamed at pretty boys, cried while watching them on TV, and made a whole bunch of friends who shared the same interest. You also splashed hundreds of dollars on their merchandise while declaring your "undying love" for them.

At the same time, you were pretty much invisible in school, with only your close friends for company. You never thought that they'd be there for years to come. You also never thought you'd ever break out of that shell. You had expected that the rest of your life you'd be the mouse that you've always been; the timid, shy, unknown person who blended into the background. The person who hated who she was, and who hurt herself to deal with it.

You left because someone hated how you hated yourself. Ironic, huh? Whether it was for the better or worse, i don't really know. I just know you were special, and i'm glad you were ever there.

Slash, thank you for being part of my life.

Yours truly,
Loretta

-

No, i'm not schizophrenic.

Shaowei. -giggle-

Please let H1N1 pass soon. I want to go to Taiwan. Badly.

2008.

It's a little too early to be doing a summary essay for the year, and i don't even remember what happened throughout the whole year to be able to do so, but anyway. This was triggered by Quil, who keeps talking about his summary essay.

In 2005, we agreed to write a 5,000 word essay, but i think neither of us managed to. This year, i'm not even going to attempt the same thing. I'm just trying to read my LJ to recall the things that happened.

2008 felt like such a long year, but when i read my entries, i can clearly remember writing each of them, how i felt at each point in time, and every moment that i wrote down. Perhaps it's because i wrote so few entries this year. Only 50+ maybe? It's kinda sad, because when i started out with LJ, i had almost an entry everyday on average.

A few things that left lasting impressions on me though, are:

- Graduating from Temasek Poly, including spending much of the final semester chionging projects
- Genting trip with my coursemates; my first trip abroad without my family/boyfriend
- My first proper working experience, where i experienced month-end closing
- Wu Zone recital and the rehearsing process, as well as the fun post-production party
- Getting my tattoo
- Starting school in NTU and feeling helpless all over again, yet finding friendship where i'd least expect it :)

Gained some friends and lost some. Particularly in a time where i moved from one stage of my life to another, again. These are the times where the friends you can keep [or F.U.C.K.s - okay i'm just kidding] differentiate themselves from others who just make fleeting appearances in your life. I miss my poly friends and the times we spent, but the future has much more to offer, and i hope to meet them again when i work next time :)

My new friends in NTU are really nice. I have many acquaintances, from Ayden, my class, and Soul Funky, but no one i can truly hang around with all the time. This makes me a lot less secure than i felt in poly, but it's alright, it'll get better when i'm back to school :)

And those friends who stayed with me as i moved from one stage of my life to another, whom i can always count on to be there no matter what. Love you guys so much <3

I learnt a lot in 2008, and changed quite a bit. I don't know how to put it, but while everything seems so fresh in my memory, the whole year seems to have dragged on for ages and ages. Welp. It's coming to an end now anyway, so let's all look forward to a better year ahead!

Growing up.

First of all, happy 20th birthday to bestie Quil :) You're finally the same age as the rest of us!

Today made me think of a few things. Things don't just happen to other people. Like you see the news and go, "Oh, there's a flood." And you just see it from a third-person point of view, or aren't really concerned, because - what are the chances of it happening to you or someone close to you?

Until it actually does.

The older we get, the more responsibilities we assume. It moves from just doing homework that you're asked to do, to stuff like being the breadwinner for your family. And as i've previously mentioned before, it seems like age is directly proportionate to our perspective of fragility of life. Things can happen so suddenly you don't even know how it happened.

To quote the birthday boy - 'Life like this'.

Love you bros. And to the one who's missing from this picture, we miss you!

Nostalgia :)

Went out with poly friends for dinner again, this time to celebrate Sharon's belated birthday. We celebrated her birthday at Sakae two years in a row -.-

It was really great catching up with them again, although it hasn't been very long since we last met up. Since the last time, complaints about our new lives have dwindled as we all get used to what lies ahead for the next few years. We still lament and everything, and it's nice to know people who are in more or less the same boat.

After that, Sharon drove me back and we had a long chat about uni life. Talked about lots of things that i would blog about if i could remember all of it, but unfortunately i can't.

Just a few years ago, we stepped into poly, behaving like the kids we were, talking about playing pool, mahjong, having picnics at Pasir Ris Park and watching movies. Now, here we are talking about the economy, job prospects, property, cars... How we've grown. And i'm glad to have done so in such a comfortable environment with fantastic company.

Thanks people :) It's really great to have you guys around.

A recollection through Neopets.

Yes, i'm playing it now and have been for a few weeks. Please don't ask. Lol.

So anyway, it reminded me of how i used to be several years ago, when i was first introduced to the internet community and was obsessed over it. I earned myself a committee position in a large and active guild, and boy was i enthralled.

I imposed all sorts of stupid rules and had the dumbest reasons to back them up. Who'd go against me? I'm a committee member and what i say goes.

I thought the world revolved around me. The things i said and the things i did were the only things that carried weight. I expected people to care about every little thing i did and if they didn't, i'd blow it up into such a fuss that they had to care. I remember posting this on the Neopets chat board after i wasn't getting the attention i wanted - "-puts knife to wrist-". Of course then everyone clambered in to post and i got what i wanted.

I lived my life thinking that there was a permanent video camera around me. Literally. Such that even the way i yawned had to be cool. Yes, i was that self-centred.

In fact i was so annoying that someone created a user called 'slashsux' and started posting hate messages about me on the guild message board. And i was outraged and started an entire war. Lol. I actually still have the draft of the message that i was going to post in reply to the hate messages but eventually didn't. The message addressed how everything i did was right in every sense, and was all backed up with facts down to the date/time of posts.

And then... i grew up :)

I learnt that people honestly couldn't care less about what i thought and what i did. They all have their own lives and i have mine, and our lives only intersect by a very miniscule fraction, which is probably the only part that they'd be concerned over me about. No, they wouldn't care even if i died. They've got better things to waste their time on. But i'm lucky. I have a small group of people who actually do care, and they are my Top 7.

I learnt that the world is more than just the way i see it. I believed i knew everything. About everyone. I couldn't have been more wrong. Things and people change all the time. Sometimes, i can't even keep track of myself. I can certainly tell you now that no single individual knows me totally and completely. Top 7 included :)

Most importantly, i learnt that people are more important than things. When i was younger, interpersonal skills had no bearing on me. Things were simple - you don't like me, i either force you to like me or if you still don't, out you go. Nope, sorry Loretta, doesn't work that way. As much as i would've liked, i didn't and don't exist in a vacuum. I can never avoid having people around me, and therefore i should do my best to make myself more likeable, for the benefit of both myself and others.

Thank my lucky stars to have poly days as my turning point. I don't know how many times i've said this but really, poly days were the best.

I should never ignore/manipulate human relationships in order to achieve any objective. Simply because human relationships are much more fragile and precious. Didn't manage to achieve something? Try again next time. Didn't manage to save a relationship? Too bad, that's it.

Don't know how to interact with people? LEARN.
Don't want to learn/conform/change anything [also with reference to my previous post]? Then accept. Accept the fact that you're deviant.

Don't blame the world for leaving you all alone. Maybe it's you who turned your back on the world.


I have much more to learn :)

Strength from within

Live. Love. Believe. These three words are extremely powerful. They keep me alive and remind me of who i am. And they make me powerful too.

If you're stressed out by anything, just keep in mind - you've taken all the stress till now. Being able to do that is no mean feat. You should be proud of yourself. Reassure yourself that you're strong. And since you've done so well so far, nothing else is gonna stop you. You are in control of your life, and if you don't want to help yourself, no one else can.

Believe in yourself.

I am proud of myself for taking a step to make my own life better. It's not easy. Really. But eventually, because of what i did, i'll stand to gain.

I've matured mentally. And there's still so much more to learn.