A recollection through Neopets.

Yes, i'm playing it now and have been for a few weeks. Please don't ask. Lol.

So anyway, it reminded me of how i used to be several years ago, when i was first introduced to the internet community and was obsessed over it. I earned myself a committee position in a large and active guild, and boy was i enthralled.

I imposed all sorts of stupid rules and had the dumbest reasons to back them up. Who'd go against me? I'm a committee member and what i say goes.

I thought the world revolved around me. The things i said and the things i did were the only things that carried weight. I expected people to care about every little thing i did and if they didn't, i'd blow it up into such a fuss that they had to care. I remember posting this on the Neopets chat board after i wasn't getting the attention i wanted - "-puts knife to wrist-". Of course then everyone clambered in to post and i got what i wanted.

I lived my life thinking that there was a permanent video camera around me. Literally. Such that even the way i yawned had to be cool. Yes, i was that self-centred.

In fact i was so annoying that someone created a user called 'slashsux' and started posting hate messages about me on the guild message board. And i was outraged and started an entire war. Lol. I actually still have the draft of the message that i was going to post in reply to the hate messages but eventually didn't. The message addressed how everything i did was right in every sense, and was all backed up with facts down to the date/time of posts.

And then... i grew up :)

I learnt that people honestly couldn't care less about what i thought and what i did. They all have their own lives and i have mine, and our lives only intersect by a very miniscule fraction, which is probably the only part that they'd be concerned over me about. No, they wouldn't care even if i died. They've got better things to waste their time on. But i'm lucky. I have a small group of people who actually do care, and they are my Top 7.

I learnt that the world is more than just the way i see it. I believed i knew everything. About everyone. I couldn't have been more wrong. Things and people change all the time. Sometimes, i can't even keep track of myself. I can certainly tell you now that no single individual knows me totally and completely. Top 7 included :)

Most importantly, i learnt that people are more important than things. When i was younger, interpersonal skills had no bearing on me. Things were simple - you don't like me, i either force you to like me or if you still don't, out you go. Nope, sorry Loretta, doesn't work that way. As much as i would've liked, i didn't and don't exist in a vacuum. I can never avoid having people around me, and therefore i should do my best to make myself more likeable, for the benefit of both myself and others.

Thank my lucky stars to have poly days as my turning point. I don't know how many times i've said this but really, poly days were the best.

I should never ignore/manipulate human relationships in order to achieve any objective. Simply because human relationships are much more fragile and precious. Didn't manage to achieve something? Try again next time. Didn't manage to save a relationship? Too bad, that's it.

Don't know how to interact with people? LEARN.
Don't want to learn/conform/change anything [also with reference to my previous post]? Then accept. Accept the fact that you're deviant.

Don't blame the world for leaving you all alone. Maybe it's you who turned your back on the world.


I have much more to learn :)