Symptoms.

It's as close as I get to feeling like the hellish 5 months of last year. But at least this time, I don't have to pretend I don't care. I don't have to tell myself i'm wrong for needing you or that I don't deserve to.

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How do you know you love someone?

Time passes bloody slowly when you're not with them. Every 5 minutes you check the time thinking that at least 15 minutes has passed. You search for any indication of their being - Facebook, Twitter, your phone... even when it's right next to you and not a single alert came in, but you still look in case you might have missed something.

You walk around feeling empty, thinking about only two things - what you did with them before, and what you want to do with them when you see them again. And ever so often there's a funny feeling that visits your heart, when you listen to a special song or see a special thing that reminds you of them.

Your phone rings and the first thing you think of is them. It isn't, and you feel like crying as that ounce of hope flutters away. There are so many things you want to tell them, but they aren't there to listen to you, and all you can do is write stupid blog entries, tweets, and smses just to feel like they might happen to see it.

You have loads to do but don't feel like doing any of it. You know that constantly thinking of them isn't going to help things, but you just can't stop. You read all your past smses, your old blog entries about them, which just makes things worse.

The funny feeling comes and makes tears well up in your eyes. Your phone still hasn't rang. It's 10 minutes since the last time you checked. You count the amount of time before you get to see them again, and realised it's so much longer than you had thought. Fuck.

And you just keep hoping and hoping that you'll hear from them soon.

I fucking miss you Justin.